“Do you now what my mother did to me?” the advertising executive demanded when I suggested she forgive her mother. Do you have idea?”
“No, and it’s not important. Call her up and forgive her”
“Never!”
She was determined to hold on to her anger! We went back and forth, neither willing to budge. Finally she said “Why should I give her the satisfaction of being forgiven, when I’m the one who was hurt?’
“Because you’re the one who is suffering. Besides, you’re not forgiving her for her sake-you’re forgiving her for your sake. “She looked surprised, and I continued.
“Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Forgiveness allows your body to turn down the manufacture of those chemicals which are tearing you apart, body and soul. You’re not really suffering from gastric this or vascular that. Your real disease is ‘unforgivenesss; one of the great disease of our time. The other doctors have been treating your head, your heart, your stomach, your colon and your anxiety. It hasn’t helped much, has it?” she shook her head. “I want you to treat yourself by throwing away your hatred.
“You told me you’ve already had two disastrous marriages and nasty divorces, plus a succession of men in and out of your life. You said you’re sick all the time. You told me your are unhappy. Now I’m telling you to end it all by forgiving your mother for whatever she’ done- I don’t care what it is. The bottoms line this: Forgive, and there’s a good chance you’ll get rid of your problems and more move on with life. Or hold on to your anger- and your unhappiness and your headaches and your palpitations and your stomach pains and your money and you bag full of medicines.”
She thought about what I said for a while, and then added
“Just saying I forgive her will take care of everything?”
“Not everything” I answered, “and you can’t just say it. You have to feel it, mean it. Saying if and meaning it is the first steps. We might find other problems, but forgiving here is a good first step”.
“I’ll do it, “she said, “What do I have to do?”
“Call your mother-right now-and forgive her. Do you remember the number?”
She nodded.”Do I have to see her?”
“Not if you don’t want to”
“She’s going to say something nasty to me”
“That’s here problem. Just tell her you forgive her. At least two times, if you can.”
“Ok, but I’ll have to practice first.”
That seemed fair. After all, she hadn’t seen or spoken to her mother for ten years. “Can I practice in here alone for 15 minutes?” she wanted to know
I agreed, and stepped out into the hall. Thought the closed door I heard her voice: “Mother, I forgive you. Mother, I forgive you” it sounded phony and forced. I went to the waiting room to talk with another patient. Fifteen minutes later I walked back to my office. In the hallway, as I opened the door, I heard her again: “Mother, I forgive you. Mother, I forgive you. Now she was saying it with sincerity and humility. I felt she was ready. She agreed
“I’ll go home and call her,” she said
“No, I want you to call her right now. Use my phone”
Hesitantly she dialed the numbers, motioning for me to stay. After a brief pause she said, very slowly: “Mother, I forgive you”. There was a pause then she repeated the words “Mother, I forgive you”. After another pause she said it again “Mother, “I forgive you”. Then I heard nothing for some time, and I wondered what her mother was saying. Was the mother was really an evil Woman?” was she berating her daughter? Was she heaping guild on the daughter for walking out on her ten years ago?”
“Being wronged is often less terrible than the constant memory of the wrong. Forgive and Forget”
Finally, I smiled in relief as the executive spoke in a release voice, asking about her father and brothers. Old friends and neighbors. Before saying goodbye, the executive invited her mother to come visit her at her home in Malibu.
She hugged me as she left the office, saying, “I don’t know if it will last, but I feel so good now!”
Three days later she brought her mother to meet me, saying with a smile, “Mother, this is Dr. Fox. He’s the one who brought us together, and I think he saved my life.”
Well, I don’t know about saving her life, but I can tell you that her problems cleared up within a few weeks. The headaches, the palpitations, stomach pains, anxiety and the nervousness vanished when she let go of her anger. I don’t see her as often anymore-there’s really no need except for the routine examinations.
You can see why I like practicing this “new” kid of medicine-it works so well because it rids the mind of the negative emotions that drag us down into disease and depression, allowed our natural defenses to keep us healthy and happy.
Dr. Fox
“To err is human, to forgive is divine”
No comments:
Post a Comment