The 90/10 Principle of life

The 90/10 Principle will definitely change you life, and make it more enjoyable and stress free. Before going any further let us understand the Principle. We often believe that whatever is happening with and around us is ought to happen and it is our fate. But, this is not true, only 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. The rest 90% of life depends on how you react on a particular situation. This means that we really have no control on only 10% of things happening around us. We just cannot stop a car from breaking down; we cannot stop a train from arriving late just because we have an urgent meeting to attend. No, we just do have control over them. But we can certainly determine the other 90% by your reaction.

Let us try to understand it with an example. You are ready for your office and are having breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over the cup of coffee on to your shirt. You have no control over what happened. But now the consequences will be determined by your reactions. You scold your daughter and she breaks down in tears. Now, you turn to your spouse and blame her for placing the cup on the edge of the table. A verbal battle follows between both of you. You then storm into your room and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter too busy crying to finish her breakfast and get ready for school. She misses her school bus. You now rush to the car and drive your daughter to school, overlooking the speed limit.

After throwing a traffic fine, you arrive 10 minutes late to the school. Your daughter runs into the school without telling you goodbye. You arrive at office 20 minutes late and find you forgot the briefcase. You had a terrible start and it continues through out the day in office. When you arrive home, you find that your wife and daughter are not talking to you.

Now the question is why it happened? Why did you have a bad day? Did the coffee cause it or did your daughter cause it? The answer is ‘You’ caused it. You had no control with what happened with the coffee but you certainly had control on those 5 seconds that caused the bad day. It’s the reaction of those 5 seconds that matters.

Here is what could have happened if you had reacted in a different way. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say “Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". You go to your room, change your shirt and garb your briefcase. While coming down you see through the window your daughter getting into the bus. She turns and waves you back. You reach the office on time and greet everybody cheerfully. Your boss is also happy with your day’s work. Back home you see you wife and daughter eagerly waiting for you. You spend the rest of evening enjoying with family.

Now did you see the difference? Both the situations had same start but different ends, just because of your reactions. Proper reaction certainly makes a lot of difference.

The example would have given you a better understanding of the 90/10 Principle. It’s only your reactions that spoils or make a thing and 90% of your life is in your hand.

Let us all try this Principle in our life and see how it really changes our life and make it more joyful.

TO ALL MARRIED COUPLES AND SINGLES WHO INTEND

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand

and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.

Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, i had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew.

I did'nt love her anymore..I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I did'nt have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she did'nt want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.

I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I had'nt noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry,

Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.

The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:

I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage!